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View Full Version : Just want to share a chuckle with you all



LauraA
06-14-2006, 08:46 AM
A West Texas cowboy was herding his cows in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"


The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe
Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he
receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says,
"You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy.
He watches the young man select one of the animals
and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how
much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows.......

Now give me back my dog."

bad bob
06-14-2006, 10:25 AM
Good one Ms Laura, thanks again...
and how true, especially the Dems....I can say that, cos I'm an Independent.
bb.

coolguy0621
06-14-2006, 10:51 AM
Can you really use a cell phone to connect a loptop to the net???

bad bob
06-14-2006, 11:43 AM
Wow......Andy
Someone please get me a tall extension ladder. That one was waaaaaaaaaaaaay over my head.
bb.

coolguy0621
06-14-2006, 12:51 PM
No No seriously it says in Laura's post here that the guy linked his laptop and razor cell phone to get into the internet!!! Is this real?? Or just a STORY?

bad bob
06-14-2006, 02:18 PM
This is absolutely true Andy.

One software is called "Mobile Phone Tools from Motorola, and the cell phone becomes the modem for the laptop. Info comes from me brother, who has been on computers for over 30 yarons. Of course, I'm biased but consider him extremely knowledgeable on the subject.
bb.

GaryB
06-14-2006, 03:03 PM
He's right Bob. It's kind of considered old school though now with Wi-Fi all the rage ;)

My friend that used to work for the guys with the black helicopters worked that way when he had a good signal, otherwise he was using his mobile satellite up link. He would take a picture and load it to his lap top and text it to my phone so I could guess where he was in Nevada.

CRs
06-14-2006, 08:07 PM
that was one of the funnies things

coolguy0621
06-14-2006, 09:57 PM
Huh, I just found out about some of the high speed internet on cell phones, the last one I was playing with had limited net usage, but some of this new stuff is crazy. And I never heard that you could a cell to plug in a laptop and use it like a modem. I normaly bring my laptop and gps on my trips, but now I'll have wires running every where. Hey now when I can't find something, I can just boot up and ask someone:eek:

Wi-Fi doesn't have the best range, I don't think right?

Flatiron
06-15-2006, 04:24 AM
Man, I guess I'm way behind in techno school. I don't have wi-fi, DSL, a RazrV3, palm pilot, etc. In fact, I don't even know how to store phone numbers in my cell phone, but somehow make it thru the day. WOW! :eek: :confused:

old judge
06-15-2006, 09:45 AM
Yeah, if I didn't have a wife and one son left at home, and a good-lookin' secretary at work, all to help me operate all this crap, I'd still be a couch potato ghost towner, or, worse yet, just a computer illiterate, out-a-touch, broken down old honest lawyer. OJ

bad bob
06-15-2006, 02:41 PM
TW
I saw Ted on tv about 4 yrs ago using old bowling pins fer target practice. He'll shoot at anything subhuman.

And OJ,
I doubt if you're comp illiterate, out of touch, and broke down, but...hmmmm
Ain't honest and lawyer a contradiction in terms? Not saying you are personally dishonest, jes' cat curio.
bb.

LauraA
06-15-2006, 04:43 PM
Razr...something used to shave with?? wi-fi...like hi-fi?? Palm Pilot?? ...naw, I won't even go there.
I don't even have a cell phone. :o This computer is as technical as I get, but I do have to admit, I love this online stuff, it literally changed my whole life (but that's a whole nuther story) I guess there's no arguing that technology can sure be a positive thing....positive, but so confusing. :confused:

GaryB
06-15-2006, 05:19 PM
Wi-Fi doesn't have the best range, I don't think right?


For now yes, it has it's limits. Big flat terrain it can go quite a ways from what I have heard. Think of it like a cell phone, the more cell poles you got around the better the speed and availability. But they are working on it and newer stuff everyday. We did work for a company setting up a system similar to wi-fi, the speed was only limited to the system using it. I have a 5mb cable connection, fast enough for me right now :D


I've had a cell for awhile now, could live with out it, but it's come in handy numerous times, plus I can access an online weather program with it if I have a signal. Good for figuring out just how nasty those thunder heads on the horizon really are.

Just got a GPS, mainly since I can't plot a map to save my butt. And I was tired of finding/being told of cool things and knowing how to mark them down for later. It has come in handy for hunting as well, though I use it primarily for 4X runs and GT hunting. Also very good for updating the very outdated maps around.

GaryB
06-15-2006, 05:22 PM
Forgot, you can buy a camera now that has GPS built in, so you can figure out exactly where that pic was taken. Sounds like folks are starting to use it as a new sort of geo-caching hobby.

brian10x
06-15-2006, 08:01 PM
TW
I saw Ted on tv about 4 yrs ago using old bowling pins fer target practice. He'll shoot at anything subhuman.

And OJ,
I doubt if you're comp illiterate, out of touch, and broke down, but...hmmmm
Ain't honest and lawyer a contradiction in terms? Not saying you are personally dishonest, jes' cat curio.
bb.

Actually, pin shooting is an actual sport. Its harder than it looks, clearing bowling pins off a card table. Not just down, all the way off.

FWIW, the sport started when a bullet-resistant vest manufacturer (Second Chance?) was trying to get noticed. If I recall correctly, he shot himself (wearing one of his vests) with a .357 Magnum, managed to get back up, and summoned the energy needed to draw and knock down five bowling pins.

Someone watching the video exclaimed "Shooting bowling pins looks like fun!" and the rest is history.

On an unrelated note: For those who know me: VW sold. Have new Kawi 650 ATV. Saturday is the big day. Win or lose, pictures to follow.

Followed by new avatar.

Oh, I almost forgot my trademark:mad: :mad: :mad:

coolguy0621
06-15-2006, 08:38 PM
Hey if it's there why not learn about it and use it??

coolguy0621
06-15-2006, 08:42 PM
[quote=Total Wreck]Yeh, aint teknoogy great. My GPS is on paper & in my head, cell phone is 1 shot for I'm over here, 2 shots for bring aid, 3 shots for found something worth seeing, 4 shots for bring aid in form of beer. Blackberries are mid day snack. I love all this stuff, easy on batteries too................

bad bob
06-15-2006, 08:44 PM
Which is cuddley TW the eagles, or the bowling pins?
Oh well, don't matter...blast away, and leave nothing standing!....is that a motto.... wait...no...that's what Santa Ana said at the Alymo.....can't recall, but I think someone said it...Butch & Sundance? Custer?
bb.

GaryB
06-15-2006, 08:52 PM
Oh well, don't matter...blast away, and leave nothing standing!....is that a motto.... wait...no...that's what Santa Ana said at the Alymo.....can't recall, but I think someone said it...Butch & Sundance? Custer?
bb.

Kill them all and let Allah sort them out later.

bad bob
06-15-2006, 08:56 PM
"All of who" Mr GaryB of LV?
Oh, you mean let all a THEM sort it out.....ok...yeah that's a great idee.

You never did say if pesos were acceptible, pokie...I can raise ....oh.... coupla hundrid...iz thet 'nuff?
bb.

GaryB
06-15-2006, 09:08 PM
Peso's are fine, but remember the exchange rate is murder seņor.

bad bob
06-15-2006, 09:15 PM
Si, pero mi vida no esta muy bueno, que lastima! Su vida esta la gran ventana, es muchisimo bueno.
Yo quiero muerte por la pinche cavarone, el puerco idiota.....pero como can I do?
malo roberto.

PS: I have little idea what I jes said, but hopefully INS or ICE will not seek to deport me to Bora Bora....or wait.. that might be ok... probably no internet tho.

LauraA
06-15-2006, 09:33 PM
Si, pero mi vida no esta muy bueno, que lastima! Su vida esta la gran ventana, es muchisimo bueno.
Yo quiero muerte por la pinche cavarone, el puerco idiota.....pero como can I do?
malo roberto.

PS: I have little idea what I jes said, but hopefully INS or ICE will not seek to deport me to Bora Bora....or wait.. that might be ok... probably no internet tho.

You said........

If, but my life not this very good, that it hurts! Its life this the great window, is muchisimo good. I want death by the kitchen boy cavarone..pero the stupid pig... like dog I do? bad Robert.


AltaVista - Babel Fish Translation - Translated Text (http://babelfish.altavista.com/tr)


:D :D :D

LauraA
06-16-2006, 09:17 AM
Hey if it's there why not learn about it and use it??

I think I'm capable of learning it, however, every time I learn something new 'bout these gadgets and gizmos, they become passe', obsolete and not supported by Raj Mahoogeeli in Lahore, Pakistan. ie: "I'm sorry d barts are nut abailable to d barticular modell numba you have gibben to me"
I'm old, been there, done that.
You've got to remember, most of us older folks have adapted to a lot of changes in the years we've been around, FM/Stereo, TV, Color TV, Digital TV, Plasma TV...are they made with blood??? Cell Phones, DVD, CD, PC's, Laptop computers, (just when middle age spread eliminated my lap, these things came out :eek: )
I'll sit here, on my rocker (or off it, depending on what kind of day I'm having) and wait 'til something that I simply can't live without comes along, then, I'll use my precious remaining calcified brain cells to learn the new technology.
In the meanwhile, it's fun to sit back and watch the next generation step in and take over, I'm sure there will be improvements ;)

coolguy0621
06-16-2006, 10:56 AM
Ok I get it, I'm guilty by association. Young and in Cali. But one thing you missed in your post TW, is I'll stop a man in his tracks and not waist the roaming charges any day. And if you guys can't tell yet I'm not really like most of this cell phone / nintendo generation. But you do have a point, most of the younger generation are slowly loosing the ability to take care of themselves. It's pretty sad. But I have no problem using the cool new stuff that comes out, but I'm pretty behind with all that too!

bad bob
06-16-2006, 11:17 AM
Not to fret, Cool young soldier.
Anyone that has been in harm's way in the swirling sands of Iraq gets at least a pass here.
Speakin' fer myself, anyway.
I guess they're jes pokin' fun at you. And I would just ponder fer a moment, and see if ya can poke fun back at 'em. Is much better that way, and with fewer grey hairs.
bb.

coolguy0621
06-16-2006, 11:35 AM
Together we can do it! We'll use your technology to call em' in range & my technology to make em' peaceable.

Only if I get a turn too:eek:

GaryB
06-16-2006, 04:16 PM
You said........

If, but my life not this very good, that it hurts! Its life this the great window, is muchisimo good. I want death by the kitchen boy cavarone..pero the stupid pig... like dog I do? bad Robert.


AltaVista - Babel Fish Translation - Translated Text (http://babelfish.altavista.com/tr)






ROTFLMAO! Knowing Babel, there's some mistakes, but they make it soo mucho funnier :D

Other than some basic, the only Spanglish I know is the ones that you use when a Hispanic cuts you off in traffic or you're looking for a fight from the guy at Roberto's Tacos. :p


Sorry Laura, had to delete your smilies, the smilie nazis wanted them back.....

GaryB
06-16-2006, 04:19 PM
Praise the lord & pass the ammunition.

Tdub:D

Ammo's cheap, stack it deep. If we ever try the whole Alamo thing over again, I have a whole street I can take out and make room for you crackers to vacation here in the winter :D

Nothing like having a 60 foot pine tree and a 1000 yard range in your backyard ;)

bad bob
06-17-2006, 09:34 PM
TW
I think he meant "crack shots"!
Not peeps shootin' at butt cracks, but ace marksmans like me etc.
That has to be it, don't ya think...I mean he wouldn't call his ghost friends all you "CRACKERS" would he?
bb.

GaryB
06-17-2006, 11:36 PM
TW
I think he meant "crack shots"!
Not peeps shootin' at butt cracks, but ace marksmans like me etc.
That has to be it, don't ya think...I mean he wouldn't call his ghost friends all you "CRACKERS" would he?
bb.

Hey, if blacks can call each other "their niggas", I can call you all "my crackers" :D I'm not too keen on that political correctness thing.

GaryB
06-17-2006, 11:40 PM
CRACKERS??? I resemble that remark. nuknuknuk

That sounds mighty good there Mr. B. Got any thing in a Summer vacation getaway? Please send a brochure.

TW

Me too, but my wife can't figure out how my Irish/Hungarian heritage can let me tan so dark in the summer :D If it wasn't for the receding blonde hair, I might get deported south someday.


Summer home? You've been baking in the Tucson heat too long if you think this place is any cooler ;) Hopefully soon I can get out of here and head North to where the temps are better and the good G'towns are behind every rock.

bad bob
06-18-2006, 08:58 AM
Oh well Irish/Hungarian...that explains it all then....CRACKERS it is, and CRACKERS I'll be, with very little offense taken.

BTW is the Blarney Stone only in Ireland, or do they have one in Budapest too? I always wanted to tell someone to kiss my..... oh, dang it, wait.... that's something else. Never mind.
bb.