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LauraA
06-27-2006, 11:14 AM
West Virginia Fish Story

A hillbilly was stopped by a game warden in West Virginia recently with two ice chests of fish. He was leaving a cove well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
"Naw, sir, I ain't got none of them there licenses, no. You must understand these here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" said the game warden. "Ya.. Every night I take these here fish down to da lake and let them swim 'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump rat back into this here ice chest and I take them home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" says the warden.
The hillbilly looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth Mr Government man, I'll show you. It really works."
"Okay," said the game warden, " I've GOT to see this!"
The hillbilly poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" said the hillbilly.
The warden said, "When are you going to call them back?"
The hillbilly said, "Call who back?"
"The FISH!" replied the warden.
"What fish?" answered the hillbilly.
We in West Virginny may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we aren't as dumb as most government employees!

Johnnie
07-14-2007, 08:08 AM
West Virginia Fish Story

A hillbilly was stopped by a game warden in West Virginia recently with two ice chests of fish. He was leaving a cove well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
"Naw, sir, I ain't got none of them there licenses, no. You must understand these here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" said the game warden. "Ya.. Every night I take these here fish down to da lake and let them swim 'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump rat back into this here ice chest and I take them home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" says the warden.
The hillbilly looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth Mr Government man, I'll show you. It really works."
"Okay," said the game warden, " I've GOT to see this!"
The hillbilly poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" said the hillbilly.
The warden said, "When are you going to call them back?"
The hillbilly said, "Call who back?"
"The FISH!" replied the warden.
"What fish?" answered the hillbilly.
We in West Virginny may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we aren't as dumb as most government employees!



Thanks Laura, we need more of your funny stories, keep them rolling in. Johnnie & Sheila

LauraA
07-15-2007, 05:38 AM
Here's some interesting facts. :D

Arizona Laws (still on the books)

Hunting camels is prohibited.

Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. This goes back in the days of the Wild West.

There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.

Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.

When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses.

It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.

Glendale
Cars may not be driven in reverse.

Globe
Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.

Hayden
If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.

Maricopa County
No more than six girls may live in any house.

Mesa
It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license. (this one recently changed)

Mohave County
decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.

Nogales
An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.

Prescott
No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house.

Tucson
Women may not wear pants.

Tombstone
It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.

LauraA
07-15-2007, 05:41 AM
Found this on the internet;

It's so hot in Arizona that...

the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
the cows are giving evaporated milk.
the trees are whistling for the dogs.
you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
you can say 113 degrees without fainting.
you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
you can make instant sun tea.
you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
you've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
you discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
hot water now comes out of both taps.
it's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
no one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
a sad Arizonan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it -- but for my 7-year-old."

speedy
07-17-2007, 05:39 AM
These are great, Laura.....Speedy

LauraA
07-17-2007, 06:06 AM
A tough old cowboy told his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously to the age of 103. When he died, he left 14 children, 30 grand-children, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great grandchildren, and a 15 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

LauraA
07-17-2007, 06:40 AM
Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans and Southern Republicans?
The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You're carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or Oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What will my wife think?

What about the children?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, like you would hug a tree, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I just call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I just need to be more sensitive to his
needs.

I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Republican's Answer:

BANG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Southern Republican's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

click....(sounds of reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

click

:D

LauraA
07-17-2007, 06:43 AM
"Knock Knock"

"Who's There?"

"Otter"

"Otter Who?"

"You otter quit reading these silly jokes!" (and posting them) :o

Johnnie
07-17-2007, 08:28 AM
Here's some interesting facts. :D

Arizona Laws (still on the books)

Hunting camels is prohibited.

Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. This goes back in the days of the Wild West.

There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.

Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.

When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses.

It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.

Glendale
Cars may not be driven in reverse.

Globe
Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.

Hayden
If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.

Maricopa County
No more than six girls may live in any house.

Mesa
It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license. (this one recently changed)

Mohave County
decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.

Nogales
An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.

Prescott
No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house.

Tucson
Women may not wear pants.

Tombstone
It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.


Thanks Laura, for the valuable information and a some long over due laughs. I think someome sould tell the girls, that like wearing pants that are from Tucson, they are welcome at my saloon up here in Nogales:p

Johnnie & Sheila

xplor'npaul
08-01-2007, 01:52 PM
I like the rule about the pants.....as long as they don't get to wear dress's either :D

bad bob
08-01-2007, 03:52 PM
Ooooooooooh Pauly....you nasty wolf. :o

LauraA
08-01-2007, 08:37 PM
Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?

This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean.

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Arizona.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"


His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.
John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car".



Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted .

"COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!"





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